85 is not average

Barely content with setting one severly under-developed game loose, EA have forced DICE (presumable under duress, who the fuck else would churn out poorly tested games at such a furious pace) to spew forth what seems to be a new ‘game‘. I’m not actually sure you can call it a new game. It does seem like they’ve made a few models and maps, with a bit of snow (yes this is new to PC players of BF2, unlike those XBox cunts what have lorded it over us), and perhaps tweaked some of that shit behind-the-scenes python, to make “Battlefield 2142″.

The internets, and mainly weirdo fanboys, have gone totally nuts about it, and have posted tid-bit after tid-bit about it and how it looks like it will be great. One thing I have to say, is have you fucking played BF2. It’s bug ridden from arse to tit. All python coding bugs as well probably. Shame coz the engine is actually pretty decent as far as I can tell.

Maybe they will do a Google and call everything Beta until people either stop complaining about bugs or stop playing. Anyway links follow with some of the early tripe.

On TomsHardware UK.

On PALGN Australia.

On Boomtown.

Gaming Horizon.

On ladies favourite, TeamXBox.

On slutty old Gamers dot Com.

And Pixelgamers whoever the fuck they are.

Of course lets not forget our cooperate sponsered sucking machine, EuroGamer.

More recently:

A Boomtown follow up.

I speak of course about E3. Rumours over the last 72 hours have been bouncing all around the web, “Oh no, E3 is cancelled, where will I see real women to wank over now?” or “Its the worst thing to happened to gameses ever 111one one one”. Over-reaction was never so well exampled than in instances of crap news reporting demonstrated thusly:

Next-Generation stride forward, with their eyes firmly aimed at a desolate future, weaping at the loss. Or do I mean failing to fully digest the news, and just making stuff up? You decide.

4 Colour Rebellion are easily led by Next-Generation, as were so many others… “The web space has been rampant all day with a rumor that E3, as we know it, will cease to exist from here on out. Next Generation has the exclusive, stating that…”

The world would not be complete without any willy waving, as so animated here, by planetxbox360. Well done on the prediction fellas (“Now for a little self-promotion, we here at Planet Xbox 360 actually predicted that something like this would occur back in May.”), you must have massive penises.

Sadly the web, after a nice little bit of panic, and lets be honest, everyone likes to have a bit of flap now any then, has recovered, with most of the main contirbutors to the furor of incorrect stories, now turning against all the other sites, and having a good old yap about it. Well done all round.

In a move that will come as a suprise to nobody at all, EA have announced their first wave of uninspiring titles for the forthcoming Nintendo Wii. Have a good hard think about what some of them might be, then click through to the rest of the article…

(more…)

World famous level designer John Romero is having another go at running her own dev studio. Unconfirmed rumours have it that Romero was walking down the front steps of her house when her ridiculous hair blew into her face, causing her to trip up and land on her oversized skull, erasing all memories of what happened the last time she tried to emulate John Carmack.

If only it were that easy for the rest of us to forget about Daikatana. Yes, I know Deus Ex was excellent, but by that stage it was really like trying to put a plaster on a chainsaw wound. Then Anachronox arrived which was rather like removing the plaster after it was getting a bit manky the next day with a scythe, swung at speed by someone with hair in their face and whom you weren’t sure if you could really trust on the best of days.

Slipgate are hiring hapless victims talented professionals now, so in their own words, “Apply now and prepare to enter the reality distortion field”. That would be the one where the games you work on are really awesome, in your own head.

Via: gamesindustry.biz

Some incredibly useful people, you know, the sort that would be essential to the survival of mankind should there be a terrible appocolypse or whatever, have ‘invented‘ the best ‘device‘ ever. The illustration really tells you the whole store, thank fuck they came up with it.

Catch the original shit page here.

Updated

As a follow up, Jesty put me onto this. Intresting and note worthy, and features this picture: