85 is not average

Barely content with setting one severly under-developed game loose, EA have forced DICE (presumable under duress, who the fuck else would churn out poorly tested games at such a furious pace) to spew forth what seems to be a new ‘game‘. I’m not actually sure you can call it a new game. It does seem like they’ve made a few models and maps, with a bit of snow (yes this is new to PC players of BF2, unlike those XBox cunts what have lorded it over us), and perhaps tweaked some of that shit behind-the-scenes python, to make “Battlefield 2142″.

The internets, and mainly weirdo fanboys, have gone totally nuts about it, and have posted tid-bit after tid-bit about it and how it looks like it will be great. One thing I have to say, is have you fucking played BF2. It’s bug ridden from arse to tit. All python coding bugs as well probably. Shame coz the engine is actually pretty decent as far as I can tell.

Maybe they will do a Google and call everything Beta until people either stop complaining about bugs or stop playing. Anyway links follow with some of the early tripe.

On TomsHardware UK.

On PALGN Australia.

On Boomtown.

Gaming Horizon.

On ladies favourite, TeamXBox.

On slutty old Gamers dot Com.

And Pixelgamers whoever the fuck they are.

Of course lets not forget our cooperate sponsered sucking machine, EuroGamer.

More recently:

A Boomtown follow up.

In a move that will come as a suprise to nobody at all, EA have announced their first wave of uninspiring titles for the forthcoming Nintendo Wii. Have a good hard think about what some of them might be, then click through to the rest of the article…

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Sequence of events:

• EA releases Battlefield 2
• Fan makes in-game recording using dialogue ripped from Team America: World Police
• American anti-terrorist organisation mistakes recording for actual terrorist activities
• Hilarity ensues

Full report here (requires flash)

I’m looking forward to Halo 3 as much as the next man, (unless the next man works for Sony), but the latest media offering from Studio Bungie is almost un-watchable due to the high self-love content.

http://www.bungie.net/News/TopStory.aspx?link=e3makingof

Presumably after verbally copulating with the game’s design on-screen, the talking heads in the trailer all went back to their cubicles to compose love letters to each other.

View now:

We thank you, Japan.

Since Battlefield 2 (BF2) dropped back in June last year, you could say I’ve put in a good amount of play into it. Certainly enough for me to raise a point or two without fear of being called a noob. Then again, I’m not sure that’s a fear we ever escape.

When BF2 was released, it got bloody good scores. At the time, I would have completely agreed with those 90-95% marks. The game really brought home the holy trinity of teamwork, killing and shouting that is usually only enjoyed by PC gamers religiously - that is to say at Easter and Christmas when everyone is off work and can get together for a LAN (party).

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Some of you will be old enough to have anticipated Stuntman on the PS2 before its release in September 2002, moreover some of those people will have been somewhat disapointed at spending wasting half of your time looking at fucking loading screens. Admittedly the PS2 was doing a fair bit, but games that could be considered its peers of the time were doing a lot better. It’s now 2006 and the word is out that Stuntman 2 is in development and has gotten far enough along to have released some shots to some magazine. Hexus.net bring us this news, but don’t link to the site, how kind of them. I’ve copied and pasted the felatio blurb like you could give a fuck. Hit the link at the bottom for the shots.

Excert: Stuntman 2 is a mission based driving game, currently in development by PARADIGM ENTERTAINMENT, and published by Atari.

Little is currenltly known about the next title in the Stuntman series, but we can be sure they’ll be plenty of deadly objectives, T-bone smashes, and extreme vehicles to smash to pieces!

Hexus article here.